Saturday, January 10, 2015

Word from the Herd--the Insecure Blogger

So! New Feature on the Herd! That was one of my goals in 2015. Yay!
Word from the Herd will basically be topics I think need to be talked about and discussed in our readery "world".

And for this one I'm probably gonna ramble a bit. lol Sorry in advance ;)

Blogger Insecurities & whatnot.

No matter how things look on the outside I don't think any blogger escapes those moments of insecurity where their blog or blogging in general is concerned.

I made a comment in a post about how I was behind on review requests, cross posting reviews and on sending out gifts too. (I lose track of time so easily and then it's weeks later. I know. I suck). Anyways. I got some replies back along the lines of how it always seems so perfect here and like I have it all together, etc. And others that have said in comparison they've felt bad or like slackers over this or that.  

I totally snorted.

For yall thinking things here are perfect... Pffft
I make mistakes. I flounder. I get behind. And I have some big fucking insecurities when it comes to the blog too. They don't swamp me every day but yeah they totally sneak in and bite my ass once in a while. It's not something we really talk about as a community but I figured...might as well.

So. I'm gonna tell you about them. Then...maybe you'll tell me yours too.
Might be good to just get it off our chests and see that, yeah, lots of us have these same issues and no one's perfect and it's okay to ourselves and not worry how we line up with other blogs and bloggers out there.

So what are the things that make me insecure? That I suck at? Well, here ya go...

I fret like hell over FB follower numbers. 

The blog has grown very slowly on FB (and email subscriptions too). I'm good with that most of the time. But some really has me feeling insecure and wondering what the fuck am I doing wrong here? I'll see blogs start up WAY after I did and within a year...8,000--10,000+ followers on FB. Or some such craziness. And I'm here just barely breaking 3000 in 3 years.

But only 4 months (or 8 months or whatever) and they've got it wrapped up. And then a month later there's another We hit 12,000 followers! going by my feed and I've gotten maybe 20 new likes vs their 1000 and my fretting over what I'm doing wrong kicks off again. Should I be posting differently? Do I need to do more promo? Do I need to do giveaways and constant buy this buy that posts for authors instead of just posting fun things I enjoy?

Then there's my Blog Name.

I love it. But sometimes I hate it too.
And it makes me hella insecure as a blogger.
Because a good portion of the time I don't get taken seriously.
Some of that has to do with my mouth and the inappropriate things I post. Sure. I know this and I'm okay with that more or less. It's just who I am. lol
But some of it is my blog name too. 

Sometimes it works to my advantage and people laugh at the name and come check it out. But it can also make life working with publishers, organizers, etc harder. Getting some bigger name authors (or rather their assistants) to take you seriously. And I've kicked myself on occasion for not picking something more bookish or "proper". 

Sometimes it's hard to not feel like the goofy kid in the corner that's trying to be one of the 'big kids'.

Getting Quoted ::snort::

This is another of those "it really doesn't matter but it does at the same time" things for me.
I don't know. Am I the only one out there that hopes to get quoted as a blogger?
I'd think for a lot of bloggers they'd like to get quoted. Maybe not. I would.
And I can get insecure about my blog and reviewing style over it.

Since I mainly read from the big publishing houses I've had getting quoted by one of them in blogger bucket list. And that's just not happened until this past week--which was really fucking awesome-- but it also drove home the fact that this had really had me feeling insecure. And it's a childish and silly for that to get to me but when I'm flipping through books and the same couple blogs get quoted in every book (up to 6 times in a book for one) or a brand new blog that's been around for 2 months gets quoted sometimes that "am I not good enough" thought sneaks in along with the "should I do something else?" Is my review style too laid back and spirited to be taken seriously? Should I go the professional route and lose my voice along the way to be considered a 'professional' blog? Is that what has to be done? All dumb things to let grab hold but sometimes in weak moments they just get you and it sucks. thanks.

Being told 'No, I'm too busy to be on your blog" only to see the author then do another blog's event instead. Yeah. That gets to me. What made them pick that blog but not mine? And yes I get turned down and ignored all the time. It really shouldn't wiggle in and make me doubt myself as a blog/blogger but sometimes it does.

And it's all such a waste of time really...isn't it?

So much energy wasted in comparing what I'm doing to what someone else does.

Wondering if I'm good enough. Feeling like I'm not.

Or why this or why that.

Instead of spending those hours focusing on what I enjoy about blogging.

Interacting with readers and friends and other blogs. Or reading another book and just being okay with exactly where I am.

But that's looking at things from the logical stand point and emotions rarely fall in line with that.

So that's me. I'm a spot insecure about blogging sometimes and get hung up on things that don't really matter.

I'm working hard to not let these things worm their way into something I enjoy so much and when I can pull that's a wonderful feeling. It's okay to where I am, who I am, blog how I want, be goofy or naughty or whatever. Easier said than done though, right? But working on it.

So there you have it. Just wanted to get that out for yall that might be feeling the same way or that struggle now and again with feeling like you just aren't enough or doing something right. If you're feeling that aren't alone. 

What about you?
Do you have bits and pieces of blogging that make you fret and feel insecure?
Do you get caught up in comparing your blog to others?


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I love hearing from yall! So don't be shy...leave a comment!
What are YOUR blogging insecurities?

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