Friday, May 2, 2014

Randomly Random---Sheath that Schlong...and *flits hand* whatnot.

"Condoms?" Livy asked.


"Con.Doms. Remember those?" She pointed at her crotch. "No one gets in here without one."
                                                                               ~Bite Me, Shelly Laurenston
Yes. Condoms in romance...abound. I mean. Every time you turn around someone's protecting their pecker and suiting up. 

Because love. *nods*
I know it's a big debate in romances. Reality vs Fantasy.

For some condoms totally take them out of the story.

For others--like me--Sweet Mary there had better be a condom or at least a talk because 
eeewww some of these guys have dipped their a lot of, erm, candle holders? and ::shudder:: nothing will take this girl out of a story quicker.

So. why this post? Because I realized all those thousands of sheathed schlongs...were sheathed in plain ol condoms. And came from plain ol foil pouches. Huh, right? Where's in that?

Well...okay. There's still fun to be had ::snort:: But oh the possibilities being missed!

I'd totally never thought about it until...
"I thought about it, and I presumed it, and now we're here." She held up the condoms. "So carpe noctem and pick a color. Red or Green?"

"What am I, a Christmas tree?"

She looked at his groin. "Well, you're at least a Douglas fir, and maybe even a mighty oak."

"I'd go with a giant redwood."

She really wished she'd mastered the art of raising one eyebrow for this. "Thinking a bit highly of ourselves, are we?"

He smiled. "If I don't, who will?"                                 ~What a Woman Wants, Judi Fennel
I mean. I busted out. This was the first time after thousands of condoms that there was...some color!

How fun!
Purple Peckers, Teal Tools and Red Rods! Oh my!

Just the possibilities!

And then there's...flavors!
Chocolate and cock. How could you go wrong!?
Minty Members or Lemony Lust Monsters! And strawberry swords!
And dammit there have been absolutely NO glowing cocks.
What the hell ladies!?
Now that would be a sight to see! All those massive wangs all lit up and glowing in the dark *nods*

Then there's always a little taste of hog heaven for your naughty bits if you prefer...bacon flavored condoms for your... porker. *raises eyebrow* Yes...they exist. 

Or maybe studs and ribs and tiny little ticklers are your style?

Hell you can warm up those lady bits with warming pleasures or make those pleasure caves tingle!
Has the phrase....ladies first...slipped his mind? Well...slow him down and speed her up with some performax condoms. I mean. There's just all types!

And sometimes it can just be for fun and a complete novelty...

Even those crinkles of foil can bring some fun with gigglesnort worthy sayings...

So...yes. Cover that monkey, wrap up that willy and sheath the schlong.
Don a raincoat and protect that pecker.

But have a little fun with it. ;)

Authors--I'm looking at you, I'm looking at you--And totally waiting for a glow in the dark cocked hero in my reads. 

Would love to hear what YOU think. Feel free to leave a comment :)

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