Friday, August 26, 2016

Damn you, Authors! *shakes fist* You just...ruin everything!

Mmhm. You really do! I just. I don't know what to do with some of yall but, seriously, you just ruin everything!

Cara McKenna for starters...

Missy. *gives best pressed lip glare*
"What are you thinking about?"

He looked up as he capped the syrup bottle, those eyes just about the exact same maple brown. "Not much. Mostly about how weird a thing maple syrup is, and what other things do we eat that seep out of trees?"

"What are the other things?"

"None I can think of."


"Why do you ask? Did I look worried?"

"Nope. It's just been a while since I've hung out with a guy whose thoughts I feel like I stand even a tiny chance at guessing. Not that I had my money on edible tree seepage."
I love pancakes.
And waffles.
And fake bacon.
And you know what's good with all those things?

maple. fucking. syrup.

And, dammit, now every time I have them I'm gonna think of tree seepage having it's way with my pancakes.
This is not okay.
I repeat. This is not okay!

*shakes fist*

And then Patricia Briggs. 
Oh. You aren't getting away scot-free! 
Nope. No ma'am. 
I totally have a beef with you. 

And it comes down to one word. 

Yes. Otters! 

You have destroyed the cute that is otters for me. 

I used to! look at all that floofy cuteness playing with rocks and holding paws. 
I mean. Seriously. Look at that paw holding! 

And now? Now?!

Or feed you to the damn River Devil.

"They aren't eating people," observed Fred.

"That you know of," I said at the same time that Adam said, "Yet."
I know. Others are like but aw otters! 
And they fall right into their cute little evil trap. 

But I'm telling yall right now. 
 You get yourself caught by an otter and I'm going to sit on the river bank and eat my cake while muttering "I'll remember her well."

Damn right. Imma let those otters have you and your fool self. 

I really do have a sadness over this, though, because really until a couple years ago those little faces would totally have me awwww-ing. 

But no. Briggs you done ruined that. You really did.

*shakes fist*

Now. Talk about ruining one's confidence. Historical ladies. 
This one is mostly on yall but some others have joined in. 

Yes. The Wandering Hymen. 

When I first started reading yall seriously gave my confidence in anatomy 101 one hell of a smack down. 

A smack. Down. lol 

Now. Unless he's got a teeny weeny...he's not gonna be halfway up her hooha before he finds it. 

It's dramatic that way, I know. But really. 

No, ladies. No. That's not where it is.

*shakes fist*

And quite possibly the worst of the worst...Karen Marie Moning. 
You've kinda made my life a paranoid hell. Hell! 

I will never get Adam's book outta my head and how an animal staring off into space at what seems like nothing is a fae that the mere human just can't see.

Yea. And the fae are freaking scary ass bastards?

See now, the problem is... I run an animal rescue. 

And the cats are truly scaring the everlovingfuck outta me with all their staring into space because honest to goodness the number of fae haunting my house and such would make you piddle. 

I did not need this knowledge, Karen Marie Moning. I did not need this knowledge! 

*cowers in the corner because of COURSE BabyG is staring at something invisible*

*shakes fist*

Okay. I tease. I tease. 
 I adore yall. 
But seriously. Ya just ruin everything 

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