The Herd Archives

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Preston's Penis (A to Z)

Preston and Roma at 6 months
I'm going to tell you a little story about Preston and his penis. It's a story of tragedy, loss and extreme embarrassment. At least on the part of his mom. See, 11 years ago this May I decided, on a whim mind you, to become a turtle mom to Preston and Roma . They were the damned cutest things. Hardly bigger than a quarter and supposedly SO easy to care for. Yeah. Ooookay. 

It all started 5 years later, late one night right before we had to leave for a wedding in Italy. We found Preston in a tank full of pink water, on his basking rock with his little buddy stuck in the out position. Why is it stuck out there in the open? Well, because Roma said "NO" and Preston decided not to listen and wound up with a nice set of beak marks on his tender bits. This was one of those "only in our household" kinda things. 

Preston post Penis loss, 2007
Off we go to the emergency vet where they had to call in a specialist. Don't ya just love it. We had to leave him there, and send a message to our pet sitter, who thankfully was a vet student, that Preston and his boys were in her hands and she'd have to make all of his decisions for him. Poor girl. 

When we got to Rome we arrived to the the unfortunate news that Preston had to have his penis amputated and was now pouting and refused to eat or bask. He was not a happy boy. 

Preston & Roma sharing a nice moment in the field
 pre penis biting debacle
You'd think that would be the end of the story, right? Oh, no. Not in our household. When we got home a couple weeks later Preston had recovered from his loss so we figured we could put him back with Roma. Well, that went real well because the damn thing grew back! Okay, so not really but damn. When someone says amputated penis you'd think amputated penis, right? Well his doc had amputated just the itty bitty tip of it and called it a day. Back to the emergency vet! Where they amputated the hell out of that sucker since he obviously couldn't be trusted with it. 

So many follow up visits. So many embarrassing turn your cheeks bright pink moments. If you've ever been to a vet school you know you end up waiting for a while in a huge waiting room with a ton of other people. I'd be sitting there with my turtle in his carrier and everyone would keep sneaking glances at us. Well, yeah, we're usually the only non dog/kitty in the area. Finally some brave pet parent, and usually a guy, would go....

Roma the penis biter
"So, how do you know a turtle is sick?"

<cue me turning pink>

"Well, his penis was bleeding."

<aaannnnnd cue cricket chirping silence, male flinching and pets pulled closer to their parents>

Yeah. I was LOVING being a turtle mom at that moment ;)

For years after the great penis amputations whenever we'd go to the vet school they'd hear our name, there would be a little pause and then "Oh! You're Preston's mom!" Yeah, we were quite the talk around town. Everyone came to see Preston during his time there and they deemed my little girl Roma "Bobbit" 

Roma's pond, 2011
Even after his second amputation Preston just wouldn't give up his pursuit of Roma. So, he now lives with his grandmom in Florida for his safety and Roma, the penis biter, lives with me in North Carolina. She's a handful and tends to be a grump but has become friends with a frog that took up in her pond on the patio. 

So that's my most embarrassing Pet Mom story and how Preston lost his penis. Only in my herd.

Now, let me hear all your embarrassing pet moments! What have your herds done to turn your cheeks red?

55 comments:

  1. I really really really think this is going to be my favorite P post if not my favorite A-Z Challenge post of all time!
    Hugs~

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    1. Ha. Glad ya enjoyed it :) I had fun putting it together

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  2. Oh my goodness! I don't have anything that can really complete with this story. The craziest I can really come up with was one time my arm was hurting really bad (tendinitis) so I put some Mentholatum cream on it. However, my cat decided that he really liked the smell of it, and I mean really liked it! He attacked the arm of the chair and I ran to the bathroom to wash it off me before he came at me. I then cleaned the arm of the chair, and he went to the vet quickly to have a procedure done, lol.

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    1. Oh my! Strange the things they decide they really like.

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  3. No embrassing pet moments, your takes the cake. Funny and Sad.:)
    Krista

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    1. My herd likes to get me plenty of embarrassing moments :)

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  4. Oh my gosh! I don't know what to say. I definitely can't top that one!

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  5. Just goes to show, pets have twisted personalities too. They're not all sweetness and light. Blog on!

    http://francene-wordstitcher.blogspot.com

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    1. Nope definitely not all sweetness and light. Love my girl but she's got a mean little side too.

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  6. All I can say is WOW. Best pet story ever. LOL

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  7. I love the story. Also, a turtle penis loss specialist? I didn't know such a job even existed, but it sure sounds like fun.

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    1. I know, right? They got a lot of practice on my boy. I learned way too much about turtle bits with him.

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  8. When I was a kid, the family poodle mated with a coat and got his whole penis, including testicles, stuck in a belt loop. You could hear the yelps right down the street! Nice to 'meet' you - thanks for stopping by my blog! Great story and great blog title! :-) (new follower) LindaK

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    1. Oh my word Linda. Yeah that's a good one. Poor guy!

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  9. What a hoot! And I thought it was tough explaining a bullet wound in my dog's butt to the vet. My dad shot him because he could not break up the dog fight and had already gotten a broken thumb getting bit. Poor Preston's story is a keeper.

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    1. Oh my. Yeah that would be a tough one to explain too!

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  10. I'm glad I only have one turtle. He learned the hard way that no means no.

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    1. He really, really did. Roma is one tough girl and just wouldn't go along with him. It's definitely easier having them separated!

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  11. Awesome P Post!!


    P is also for Puppets!
    mainstreetarts.blogspot.com

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  12. OH MY GOSH! Who would ever know? thanks for the laugh and I guess the info. as well!

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    1. You're welcome Tracy. Glad ya got a chuckle out of it :) Thanks for dropping over!

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  13. Wait! Turtles have penis's? Don't judge until you've had one! Thanks for visiting Texas!
    Tate's Other Side

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    1. They so do. And gotta say, it's not a pretty sight.

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  14. HAHAHAHAHA! Being a turtle mom myself, I had to come read your blog. (Although, I need to say I almost didn't because of the title!) So glad I stopped by anyway ... HILARIOUS story! And with my sulcatas and many box turtles I can't match this!!

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    1. Well hello fellow turtle mom. I hope your babies never do this to you! Was all kinds of embarrassing. Plus scared the tar outta me!

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  15. Well, I'll play along. Was Preston hung? lol

    This story made me laugh. I can't imagine this.

    Did the vet charge by the size?

    Oh, yeah, I have a million more.

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    1. Ha. Nice. You'd have so gotten along with his vets!

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  16. ROTFL... your post so made up for the rainy weather I'm in and all the cheerless posts I've read today :)

    Look forward to the rest of your challenge run…can’t believe we’ve had 16 days already!
    --Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2012

    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

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    1. Aw well glad to have lightened things up a little :) I can't believe we're already 16 days in either!

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  17. So much to comment on...first of all I don't think I realized this paricular body part was part of a turtle's anatomy. And it struck me as funny there's a specialist who deals with this sort of thing : ) I have a dog but no embarrassing stories to share about her that would top yours!

    Thanks for visiting-good luck with the remaining challenge letters!

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    1. They brought in a whole team too and had a multi tiered treatment plan even. Apparently this little bit of a turtle gets them into trouble fairly often. Boys.

      Glad your pooch doesn't get into too many embarrassing situations! What a good boy :)

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  18. Oh God, I can relate. As I kid I was always adopting pets. I don't know, I think my mom thought it was better than doing drugs and just let me go. Anyway, when I was 12 I got a rabbit, a boy rabbit, named The Dark Avenger. During the summer he lived in a cage in the back shed. Most days he was a sweet, cuddly rabbit friend. Then a wild rabbit decided to move into the yard next door. Suddenly he turned into a demon bunny who's only goal in life was to kick my face in, make his escape, and get to that (presumably female) rabbit. At twelve years old, I had to call the vet and explain my problem and as how to go about getting my demon bunny neutered.

    I'm sorry about your turtle's penis ;)

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    1. Oh that would be so embarrassing at that age! Love the name :)

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  19. I am still laughing at this posting, but poor Preston. Many years ago we had a little boy Chihuahua who had the humping problem. One afternoon the preacher and his wife were visiting and I was used to not paying him any mind. I felt so embarrassed when the preacher stopped me talking and told me that my little guy was humping his toy.

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    1. Oh prefect timing by the pup! Yeah that would be quite the awkward moment. Love it!

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  20. Oh my goodness! Poor Preston! While I feel very bad for him for having it removed (and twice!), I am ashamed to say that I was laughing a little. I guess if you are not in the story it is kind of amusing. Sorry. I don't have any pets, so no embarrassing pet stories for me, but I have plenty of embarrassing kid stories. Lol.
    I hope Preston is a happy little turtle now~!

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    1. He's a very happy turtle now. His grandmom spoils him rotten! And yeah, all these years later I'm laughing over my boy too. Man though he made me cry when it first happened I was so scared! Darn turtles! :)

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  21. Weird animal stories? Nope, do not have one even REMOTELY this weird!!!!
    That poor penis-less turtle! But hey, now I know why men say they're "pulling a turtle" when they're cold and their, um, manly bits retract. Poor Preston, being a turtle and not knowing enough to pull a turtle...
    very cool post, btw!

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    1. Bwaha. Okay. Had never heard that phrase. My little guy missed out on that lesson too it seems :)

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  22. LOL, love your pet story. My mom would sometimes forget to buy catfood. So the cat would walk with her to the store just to remind her. Smart cat. ;-)

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    1. Aw that is a smart kitty. Ours never did that but growing up we did have two that would join us for walks around the block. Always loved that :)

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  23. Poor Preston! Although I have to admit I about fell out of my chair laughing..... probably wouldn't have if it was me in that situation. I think the most embarassing story I have didn't embarass me as much as the other person. We had a dog when I was younger that liked almost everyone, but if he didn't like someone you knew. He would hike that leg right up and pee on someone ....and would continue to try peeing on them over and over until they left "his" property. He was a pretty good judge of character though so we were quick to take his advice! lol

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    1. omg that's too funny!! That would totally be embarrassing but dag a good indicator of who you wouldn't want around!

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  24. I saw the previous post about Preston and sooo glad you told the poor guy's story. Really have nothing in that particular area to tell about my pets although it was embarrassing for me when my mother called me at my mamaw's cause I turned the dryer on before leaving. Turns out that my cat was dozing in it! She was fine but she never took a nap in the dryer...she went for the washer! Crazy animals! Lol!
    Thanks and sorry for poor Preston.

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    1. Don't they find the worst places to nap?! My Holly did that a couple weeks ago and when I let her out omg the look she gave me! Glad your kitty was okay!

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  25. lol Anna! That is too funny. haha alas, I finally hear the story of Preston and his penis! lmbo... this story is gonna be branded into my mind FOREVER!

    Ana♥

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    1. Bwhaha. It's one we'll never let him forget ;)

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  26. I have 6 rats. I've had hamsters, gerbils, mice and rats and I like rats the best. Well, 2 of my boys are getting on in age, they are 3 years old and they don't clean themselves as well as they used to. A few months ago I was checking my old boys to make sure they didn't need a bath, didn't have any abscesses or scratches and noticed that Jasper's genitals were a bit plump and stinky. Sure sign of a penis plug. So I told my husband what I was going to have to do and he was going to have to help me hold Jasper. He was not liking the sound of this but I assured him jasper would thank us for it and all he had to do was hold the boy.

    So Hubby held him on his back and gave him a yogi so Jasper was a happy ratty and I pressed down on either side of the penile sheath to make the plug appear, sure enough it did and I removed it. Gave Jasper another yogi and I was done. Hubby sat there looking at me and then ran for the bathroom where he lost his lunch. LOL What a lightweight.

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    1. OMG Mary. That is quite the story too!! I've had mice (and absolutely loved my girls) but never rats. I have met a few though and they were all awesome. Poor little man that does not sound like it was fun either. LOL at the hubby's reaction. Too funny!! Thanks for sharing :)

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  27. I just don't think there are any words........ROTFLLLL.....Poor preston....Hope he loves florida! LOL Thanks for sharing.

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    1. ::snort:: Not one you hear every day now is it? LOL Yeah he's a happy turtle once again. Spoiled rotten and adored by his granny.

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  28. I have not laughed this hard in.....hell! I can't remember laughing this hard!!!

    Bless his heart. Preston, when a lady says no, she means it.....BAHAHAHA!

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~Anna