Preston's Penis (A to Z)

Preston and Roma at 6 months

I'm going to tell you a little story about Preston and his penis. It's a story of tragedy, loss and extreme embarrassment. At least on the part of his mom. See, 11 years ago this May I decided, on a whim mind you, to become a turtle mom to Preston and Roma . They were the damned cutest things. Hardly bigger than a quarter and supposedly SO easy to care for. Yeah. Ooookay. 


It all started 5 years later, late one night right before we had to leave for a wedding in Italy. We found Preston in a tank full of pink water, on his basking rock with his little buddy stuck in the out position. Why is it stuck out there in the open? Well, because Roma said "NO" and Preston decided not to listen and wound up with a nice set of beak marks on his tender bits. This was one of those "only in our household" kinda things. 

Preston post Penis loss, 2007

Off we go to the emergency vet where they had to call in a specialist. Don't ya just love it. We had to leave him there, and send a message to our pet sitter, who thankfully was a vet student, that Preston and his boys were in her hands and she'd have to make all of his decisions for him. Poor girl. 

When we got to Rome we arrived to the the unfortunate news that Preston had to have his penis amputated and was now pouting and refused to eat or bask. He was not a happy boy. 

Preston & Roma sharing a nice moment in the field
 pre penis biting debacle

You'd think that would be the end of the story, right? Oh, no. Not in our household. When we got home a couple weeks later Preston had recovered from his loss so we figured we could put him back with Roma. Well, that went real well because the damn thing grew back! Okay, so not really but damn. When someone says amputated penis you'd think amputated penis, right? Well his doc had amputated just the itty bitty tip of it and called it a day. Back to the emergency vet! Where they amputated the hell out of that sucker since he obviously couldn't be trusted with it. 

So many follow up visits. So many embarrassing turn your cheeks bright pink moments. If you've ever been to a vet school you know you end up waiting for a while in a huge waiting room with a ton of other people. I'd be sitting there with my turtle in his carrier and everyone would keep sneaking glances at us. Well, yeah, we're usually the only non dog/kitty in the area. Finally some brave pet parent, and usually a guy, would go....

Roma the penis biter

"So, how do you know a turtle is sick?"

<cue me turning pink>

"Well, his penis was bleeding."

<aaannnnnd cue cricket chirping silence, male flinching and pets pulled closer to their parents>

Yeah. I was LOVING being a turtle mom at that moment ;)

For years after the great penis amputations whenever we'd go to the vet school they'd hear our name, there would be a little pause and then "Oh! You're Preston's mom!" Yeah, we were quite the talk around town. Everyone came to see Preston during his time there and they deemed my little girl Roma "Bobbit" 

Roma's pond, 2011

Even after his second amputation Preston just wouldn't give up his pursuit of Roma. So, he now lives with his grandmom in Florida for his safety and Roma, the penis biter, lives with me in North Carolina. She's a handful and tends to be a grump but has become friends with a frog that took up in her pond on the patio. 

So that's my most embarrassing Pet Mom story and how Preston lost his penis. Only in my herd.

Now, let me hear all your embarrassing pet moments! What have your herds done to turn your cheeks red?