Thursday, April 14, 2016

Guest Post w/ Janet Elizabeth Henderson-- The Criminal Chicken

Hey guys! Today we've got Janet Elisabeth Henderson joining us. OMG yall. I won't even lie. I totally busted out a laugh with this one. Check it out then hit those comments and leave Janet some love! ~anna

I abducted a chicken. It wasn’t intentional. I was driving home, saw an orange chicken at the side of the road and assumed it was my escape artist chicken. I screeched to a halt, threw her into the passenger seat, then lectured her all the way home. It was only when I put her in the coop I realized my mistake—mainly because my chicken came out to mock me. I then put the stolen chicken back in the car and drove her home—all the while hoping her real owners wouldn’t notice when I dropped her off and ran.

I’d like to say this sort of event is rare, but it really isn’t. Out of all our rescued pets Lizi-chicken is the most work. She likes to wander into the house and make herself at home. You don’t know she’s there until she coos at you. I can’t count the number of times that chicken has made me scream. Because, seriously, would you expect to find a chatty chicken when you opened a closet? I couldn’t figure out how she was getting into the house until I spotted her climbing through the cat flap one day. So I locked the flap. Now she walks around the house and pecks at the front door until someone opens it for her, then she walks in like she owns the place.

She’s even been dragged home by the cops. I was sitting writing one day when the doorbell rang. I answered only to find a cop standing with a chicken under his arm. My chicken.

“Is this your chicken?” he asked.

I’m ashamed to admit I thought about lying. My brain was full of all kinds of criminal damage the chicken could have caused. Damage I would be responsible for fixing. (I’m a writer. I have a good imagination!)

“Madam,” the guy said. “Is this your chicken?”

“Um, maybe?” I said as the chicken cooed, “I love you mummy.”

Turns out she hadn’t been arrested, he’d just picked her up from the middle of the road instead of running over her. Yay for us…

I took her from the cop, she scrambled out of my arms and made a beeline for the cat food. I smiled at the cop and shrugged, “chickens,” I said, “what can you do?” The guys shook his head as he climbed back into his car.

Meanwhile, I dragged the chicken away from the cat food and tossed her out the back door. Five minutes later my pet sheep walked past my office window with the chicken on her back. I don’t know where they were going, but the chicken seemed to be in charge.

Take my advice. If you want a pet, get fish…
The Scottish Highlands are in the middle of the worst snow storm in decades. Cell towers are down, electricity is out and roads are closed.

In true Invertary style the town’s folk have decided to ignore the weather and carry on with the party. Kirsty is at the castle, in the middle of her hen-night and having second thoughts about the wedding. Lake is enduring his stag-do at the town’s only pub, helpfully organised by his 'best man' eighty-nine year old Betty. Rainne, Lake’s sister, has come back to town after three years away to not only attend the wedding, but to see if Alastair will give her a second chance to love him. Oh yeah, and a whole bunch of men with guns have surrounded the castle!

The castle is under siege. The town is under snow. The men are stuck at the pub and the women are on their own. With emotions running high, snow falling hard and lives on the line, the residents of Invertary are about to stage the wedding of the century.

PLEASE NOTE: Unlike the rest of the books in my Invertary series, this one isn't a standalone novel. Here Comes The Rainne Again follows up on the characters in the first book in the series—Lingerie Wars. Because of this, I recommend that you read Lingerie Wars


*covers link to Amazon

I grew up in Scotland, but now I’m living in New Zealand - married to a Dutch man whom I met in America. (It can get a little confusing in my household!) When I'm not living in my head, I'm a mother to two tiny kids, three pet sheep, three miniature horses, three alpacas, one dog, two cats, several chickens and an escape artist goat. 

7 random things about Janet:
  1. I accidentally mooned a crowd at a Bolivian wedding.
  2. I’ve been chased by a gang of baboons. And I mean gang. They were organised and vicious. All that was missing was their leather jackets and tattoos!
  3. I wrote my first novel when I was 22. It was a cross between Star Wars, Monsters Inc. and Tinkerbelle. Funnily enough, no one wanted to publish it. Odd that…
  4. I was a portrait artist on the streets of Amsterdam for a time.
  5. I worked night shift as a security guard at Stirling Castle in Scotland while I was in college. The castle was on a terrorist hit-list back then. To defend it they gave me a flashlight, a two-way radio that only worked one-way and made me wear a polyester A-line skirt…
  6. I taught art at summer camp in America – twice. The first time I met my Dutch husband and he took me back to Holland as his souvenir. The second time I got strep throat, a weird rash, food poisoning, a sprained ankle and accidentally dyed my hair green…
  7. I once got locked in a shop when it closed for the day. The staff went home. I had to call the police to come get me out.

Find Janet online
Website | Facebook

In celebration of the release of the new book, I’m giving away a full set of Invertary ebooks. That’s all six ebooks. So if you fancy spending some time in Scotland’s craziest town enter the draw by leaving a comment below.

Have your pets ever done anything totally embarrassing? 

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