Friday, October 31, 2014

The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Melick III

Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy's pubic region. She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.

When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return... especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy's legs.

Type: Bizarro
Heat: I'm not even going there. Naughty bits are touched though.
Rating: 3 out of 5

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So your hoo-ha is haunted. *slow blink* That kitty's done got the funk. That vajayjay's been good on and vajazzled. *nods* Yes loves. Haunted. Like there's a skeleton up in there haunted. What the devil is a girl to do?!! This is no job for a mere dildo shaped cross to 'cast the spirits out!' The horrors! Nopes...the only logical thing...lube up that boyfriend and send him right on up in there to go spelunking in your snatch. O.o

Bwahaha happy Halloween dearies! I figured it was about time I brought out the Haunted Vagina I've taunted yall with when I did the weird fuckery reviews for Taken by the T-Rex and Cum for Bigfoot. And oh what a fabulously fucked up treat! ::snort::

Alright so Stacey's man goes to give her glowbug a little lick-see...and a skeleton arm comes shooting on out at him. Yeah. Stacey's ...cootch has got some crazy going on. Talk about some traumas!

And so a plan is hatched. *cue the big ol' owly eyes*
She empties a bag full of bottles of baby oils and tubs of petroleum jelly.

"I also got you a sleeping bag and some food," she says, "if you want to camp out over night."

"I am not camping out in your vagina overnight," I tell her.   
Yup. Stacey is sending her man in to figure out what the hell is up her lady bits. Because seriously. A skeleton. Came. Out. Of. Her. And the moans and groans are whahahahaha-ing in there too. So in he climbs...further and further until he sees a light.
It dawns on me. I'm all the way inside of her. I'm like a human penis.
And goes closer and closer to the light until it shoots him out. Mmmhmm. Shoots him out the other side of her cootch and he's falling down a flesh mountain into a whole world. Literally.

And what a world he finds! Stacey's not just haunted by a skeleton but a whole hoard of them that clack around with a bunch of rubberized people too. Skies and mountains and all kinds of crazy buildings with creeptastic dolls sitting around. Seriously, who the hell has dozens of dolls sitting around? Those things are scary as fuck with their eyes that follow you and never blink. ::shudders::

Anywho. So Steve is in there rootin' around and he sees a rubber girl. And oh this rubber girl she smells good. But homeboy gets a little scared and runs back through Stacey's meat tunnel to safety. Run, homeboy, run!

Stacey is hella curious now though and she's not even a little shy about sending that man back in there. Homeboy is good though. Really. He's seen enough. But Stacey is determined and unfortunately for Stacey the rubber girl...kinda decides to keep his ass this time and traps him in Stacey's world o' pussy.

Like thrown him down a a flesh-well he can't get out of keeps him. And whiles he's trapped there he talks to Stacey, since, you know that flesh-well is really her innards. Ughs!

Finally after ages Fig--aka rubber girl aka Stacey's former imaginary friend who is kinda miffed about that former status-- comes back for him because, you know, he's meant for her and she'd just been waiting for him to change to match her like her mama promised he would. 

Change meaning his Skeleton unzipped him, strolled on out and then that fucker turned around and clacked it's teeth at his now-rubberized skeleton-free man suit of a self. 

Yes Will. That. *nods*

Yups. Yups. Now rubber girl has her dream rubber man.

Who still wants to get back to Stacey until....a semen geyser erupts!

Mmmhmm.  Seems Stacey is a little pissed he hasn't come back yet and is trying to drown his sorry ass since she thinks he's abandoned her for Fig.

Semen. Geyser.

Semen geyser from some random man.

All over the place. Spurting out of the flesh mountain, down the roads and over the houses...

Well that sure ends things with Stacey! Cheating nutter!

And so Steve begins his new life with rubber girl. Having squeaky rubber sex and knocking her up with sperm that turns into squishy egg yolk, unzips the boys and climbs up in her.


I just. I don't even know.

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